I wrote this in response to an online post which stated that learning a partner’s love language was never intended for you to feel obligated to fill their needs in that way. The person posting went on to say, “If you tell me your love language as a means of MAKING me do those things, …
Speaking Their Love Language: an Obligation or a Choice? Read More »
I have feelings. They are not easily hurt but they have been bruised too many times to count. They have learned to guard themselves. They have been taught that loving someone doesn’t solve all problems. They have been shown that vulnerability often leads to fear, loss, pain, lies, abuse and betrayal. That 100% trust is …
So, you’ve decided to dip your toes into group sex? OR you have before but are hoping to increase the odds of a positive experience? OR you just are curious AF? I’ve got you. Here are my Top 20 Tips for Great Group Sex! 1. Don’t hoard someone’s time and body (unless this is a …
NOTE: Unicorn hunting is when a couple seeks out another person, often a bisexual woman for a cis/het couple (M/F) to have a sexual relationship with. The term most often referes to a woman, but may refer to any gender, and not all couples that unicorn hunt are Male/Female. Sometimes the term used for seeking …
(Content Warning: Mentions sexual assault and rape in behaviour of monkeys.) I hear this claim a lot in the consensually non-monogamous communities: “Non-monogamy is the natural state for humans.” “Sex at Dawn” is a very popular resource book that people tend to reference when making that claim. In it, authors, Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá, …
Don’t get me wrong. Everything I did for my family, giving help where I could and the visits – it’s all part of a life well lived – and what anyone would do, and I would do it all again. I NEED to be able to be there for others too, if I’m able at all. I don’t blame them or resent them for anything. I love them and am so grateful for them and have no regrets. My symptoms are just part of my new normal now that I have to live with.
Usually one hears “I’m Ambiamorous because I can be HAPPY in either mono or poly relationships” – and bless them for having that experience. At first glance, the term made sense intellectually (just looking at my history) but it didn’t quite resonate emotionally. I do feel happy…SOMETIMES… and I also experience SOME level of discomfort in ALL of my relationships much of the time.
Yes. Mono/Poly or consensually non-monogamous relationships CAN work. However, many people don’t believe so. Even some polyamorous authors like Kathy Labriola, author of The Jealousy Workbook, don’t think they work. Kathy claims “mono/poly relationships are doomed” . Why do they think mono/poly relationships are “doomed”? Because there’s misalignment in needs and values. Monogamy SEEMS to …
You’ve probably heard of Cognitive Dissonance which is the discomfort we feel when we have two conflicting thoughts or a conflict between beliefs and actions. For example, you care about the environment, but you use plastic bags. You may have a general feeling of discomfort or may even feel angry with yourself, but do it …
What is Personal Dissonance & Why Do We Need It? Read More »
This comment was made in a support group in which I offer advice. It’s not the first time someone has said it and it won’t be the last! I’ve said it MANY times myself. This polyamory sh*t IS hard! Consensual non-monogamy REALLY isn’t for the faint of heart. It asks us to be more SELF …
