NOTE: Unicorn hunting is when a couple seeks out another person, often a bisexual woman for a cis/het couple (M/F) to have a sexual relationship with. The term most often referes to a woman, but may refer to any gender, and not all couples that unicorn hunt are Male/Female. Sometimes the term used for seeking …
Usually one hears “I’m Ambiamorous because I can be HAPPY in either mono or poly relationships” – and bless them for having that experience. At first glance, the term made sense intellectually (just looking at my history) but it didn’t quite resonate emotionally. I do feel happy…SOMETIMES… and I also experience SOME level of discomfort in ALL of my relationships much of the time.
Yes. Mono/Poly or consensually non-monogamous relationships CAN work. However, many people don’t believe so. Even some polyamorous authors like Kathy Labriola, author of The Jealousy Workbook, don’t think they work. Kathy claims “mono/poly relationships are doomed” . Why do they think mono/poly relationships are “doomed”? Because there’s misalignment in needs and values. Monogamy SEEMS to …
You’ve probably heard of Cognitive Dissonance which is the discomfort we feel when we have two conflicting thoughts or a conflict between beliefs and actions. For example, you care about the environment, but you use plastic bags. You may have a general feeling of discomfort or may even feel angry with yourself, but do it …
What is Personal Dissonance & Why Do We Need It? Read More »
When I married my husband, Greg, we were monogamous, but we hadn’t always been. I found him on OKCupid following the end of a seven year relationship with my third husband. Greg was in a polyamorous marriage, that ended shortly after we started dating. I had been consensually non-monogamous/polyamorous in other relationships in my life …
When we are in the throes of NEW RELATIONSHIP ENERGY, we are actually, and quite literally, high; as if we’re on drugs. Our brain chemistry is affected, with more “happiness-inducing” chemicals being released regularly. And it can last 6 months to TWO YEARS. It’s designed to keep us together with a partner long enough to …
I do a lot of support work online for the Polyamorous and Consensually Non-monogamous communities. This body of this was written in response to a post (see graphic below) that received a lot of enthusiastic support, and while the concept may be true to an extent, it does miss the mark for me. Adversity and …
Who doesn’t want to speak the same language as their partner when it comes to intimacy? RIGHT? Sex can be a bit of hit and miss when you don’t understand how to connect and engage someone’s sex drive, before, during and after sex. If you know the Five Love Languages for yourself and your partner(s), …
Sometimes change is imposed upon us. We lose a job or a place to live, someone breaks up with us. We all know how those kinds of changes happen. In those cases, we need courage to face the loss and whatever’s next. Then there are the changes we CHOOSE and those also take courage. Why? …
There are two types of people in a relationship; Collectors and Investors.
Collectors WANT something from you; it might be romance, intimacy, friendship but they want something that you have to offer. They want to vent to you, have you listen, appreciate and witness their lives and when they’re done with you, they put you on the shelf. Not a great feeling;believe me; especially once you’ve discovered your own worth. That’s when these types of relationships start to flounder, because as long as you DON’T know what you deserve to have in a relationship, you can subsist here for quite a long, lonely time.
